Wonderful!! Counselor!!!! (I've been giggling about this for 24 hours)

Me: What are you guys doing tonight?

Sean: Well, the local production of The Messiah is tonight.

Me: That sounds fun and festive.

Sean: Yeah, but I'm not sure it's a production this year. I think it's more of a
sing-a-long.

Me: (Pause.) It's the Roosevelt, Utah community sing-a-long to Handel's Messiah?

Sean: THE PRIIIIINCE OF PEEEEEAAAACE!

Why I'm a Much Better Uncle Than Clark

Brothers

You Know What Christmas Carol Baffles Me?

I Saw Three Ships Come Sailing In. Is that Christmas in Seattle? Is Columbus coming to town? I don't get it.

But I sure like Sting's version of it. Or maybe I just like Sting.

So I Guess This Is My Fault For Not Really Watching TV, But

Who on earth are the Kardashians? And why should I know about them?

Right Back to the Top of My Santa Wish List

And Tyler said they only live in the zoo.

Turkey Bowl

Sledding

My Children's Talents

Asher loves nursing. Like we used to say about Talmage and puzzles, it's his gift. If there were an Olympic nursing event, Asher would take at least the bronze, only falling behind the competitors from South America who suckle well into their fourth and fifth years.

(Do you ever have a vision of your son grown up to a fourteen year old and he has a crush on a girl who has a crush on him who then googles his name and comes up with "Asher loves nursing?" Hmm. That's not really my intended audience. Note to self: apologize to Asher circa 2023.)

I enjoy feeding my child, too. I love when he becomes all lips and gums and little fists and fingers that run gently through my hair. I love kissing his milky mouth as he sighs himself to sleep, tummy full and content. I love his yummy thighs, nibbling his rolls left from fatty milk. I love that my baby, whose personality is so far just like his active brother, calms and snuggles and nuzzles while he nurses.

The only real problem is that I'd like for him to love reading, too. I know, I know. My child is nine and a half months old. It's a little early to be worried. But early on in mothering I decided not worry about classes and learning centers and the like, but focus on reading to my child everyday. And with Talmage, I accomplished that with reading before bed. Asher, on the other hand, will get through "Ants await" and "Bumblebees blow balloons" of Miss Spider's ABCs but by the time I read "Caterpillars circle" Asher has wiggled himself prostrate in my arms, facing my tummy and when I'm trying to say "Dragonfly decorations" he's whining "nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh!" I haven't hit "Earthworms entertain" for quite some time.

I'd like to take this opportunity to brag about Talmage. We are currently reading Harry Potter with him. Why yes, he is only four. I'd like to tell you that he grasps the intricate plot lines and is growing with the characters. I'd like to tell you that he ponders the themes of life, death, and resurrection and Voldemort's "flight from death." I'd like to credit this all to the fact that I've read to him every day of his life. But I'd be lying. His love of Harry Potter is due to the fact that while my goal was to instill a love of reading, his father's goal was to instill a love of calculators. Besides his Nikon, movie editing, and moon data, there are few things Tyler loves more than tickling his Texas Instruments. And Talmage current favorite game is to push the + sign on the calculator, watching the numbers count from one to one thousand. Truth is, Talmage loves Harry Potter because HE LIKES WHEN WE TURN THE PAGE TO THE NEXT NUMBER. I feel like I should personally apologize to Dumbledore.

Maybe when I wean Asher we could get him attached to comfort foods. Yeah, that's it. He'll be a champion pie eater. And he'll be GREAT at it.

The Quarantine Book Edition

A Town Like Alice: This book is beautiful. It should be on your list of books to read in your lifetime. I did have a hard time getting lost in the book at the beginning--I was too aware of the 1950s writing style--but by the second half I had moved to Australia and was building up the outback with my handsome Australian cowboy. I've read quite a few strong female characters recently, but Jean Paget went down on my list as my favorite, and like Joe and Noel, I was a little in love with her, too.





Still entertaining. Still delightful. And the creepiest bad guy I've come across as of late. Except for the hitman in Angels and Demons, the movie I watched over the weekend. He was creepy, too.



So, my cute friend Hana gave me a stack of books for the Swine Flu Quarantine. (Yes, it was significant enough that it became a proper noun and required capital letters. Soon it will need to be italicized, too.) Hana is a fan of YA fantasy and science fiction and is a doll about sharing them. This was the first I picked up off the stack, because I read the Goose Girl years ago and was excited to pick up the story. The only problem was that I kind of forgot the story, at least the involvement of Enna, so it took me a good while to jump into the story. All it did was fuel my current frustration with YA series. But after I got over that, I loved Enna. And I lied above. This bad guy was the creepiest bad guy as of late.



Richard Selzer is Dad's favorite author, so I decided to pick up Mortal Lessons: Notes on the Art of Surgery. I was irritated with him at first, because his thesis seemed to be that surgeons think they're god, but they're not. Poetic surgeons are. This narrow definition can only be filled, as Selzer noted, by Selzer himself. I think, too, in his essay on the surgeon as artist, my own opinions about art being about meaning and interaction rather than art being transcendent and above the masses got all mixed up in his meaning.

After I got through the first three essays, he started talking about the body in an incredible way, and I decided that Selzer is the ultimate modern humanist. His celebration of man and man's potential was riveting and funny. And then I loved him.



Okay, I going to post now before I get to the final two books. I'll come back and finish updating later.



This is where I post about Shiver.

The BCS and NCLB: The Secret Power of Unanimous Hatred

How many things do you come across in this world that are unanimously despised? I believe I have found two: The Bowl Championship Series (BCS) in college football and No Child Left Behind (NCLB) in the school system. I am going to make the bold statement right here and now that I SECRETLY like both of these things. Now, I have to emphasize that this is a secret because I believe the guise of hatred is what I like the most about them.

Let's begin with the BCS. As many of you may know, I am a die-hard University of Utah football fan (Please, no comments about the game this week). The Utes have gone undefeated twice in the last five years and been denied participation in the National Title game both times. Why? The BCS didn't rank them highly enough to make it in. Unfair!

Now my hatred (feel free to join me): We were the best team in the country both times, and we weren't even allowed to play in the title game. We beat every single team we played. In 2008, we even beat four top 25 teams and two top 10 team. We were the only undefeated team in the entire country. We beat Alabama by more than the National Champions beat them. Clearly the Utes should have been the National Champions.

I actually like the BCS because I get to hang my hat on that rant. It doesn't change what is, but it let's me point out what should have been. My hatred is a guise because of the secret I don't like to let out: I don't think for one minute the Utes were the best team in the country. Nearly half the teams they played that year were within a touchdown of beating them. Who do I think was the best team in the country in 2008? Florida--the National Champions.

The BCS is a system that does its best to gather as much data as possible and rank all the football teams according to what is. I don't believe either of the undefeated U of U teams could have made it through a playoff--the most popular suggested alternative. Truth be told, I think the BCS got it right, and I love complaining that they got it wrong.

Now for No Child Left Behind. Let's start right off with the hatred: All of our kids have to be tested in language arts and math to see if our school has made what legislators consider Adequate Yearly Progress? And, if we don't meet the standard for three years in a row, we are going to lose funding? Furthermore, the goal keeps advancing until we are supposed to have a 100 percent by the year 2014? We have to get all the kids in our entire school to pass the test? The CRT doesn't test any of the important things like character or the student's love of learning or the arts. This legislation will pass and then those who drafted it are going to feel mighty foolish for their ignorance.

I actually like NCLB because I get to let that rant be the bad guy. Those in education scoff at the crazy legislation that is audacious enough to think every child can learn or that every school can improve. The nerve. I get to visit each of my teachers, analyze the current reality of their students, let them know what kind of progress the law expects of them, and then listen to them huff and puff about how unreasonable and unfair such expectations are. I smile, nod my head, and say, "You may be right, but we have to do it." Hah, we have to actually focus on the students' learning instead of the teachers' teaching.

So, for being unanimously hated, the BCS and NCLB sure seem to fulfill the measure of their creation.

. . . And I love hating them!

Star Wars

Cone of Shame

Swine Flu Was Cuter Before I Got It

And here's my advice to those in the feverish haze of H1N1: Now is not the time to read Shannon Hale's Enna Burning. Stick to something cooler. Like The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. WHERE THEY ARE CONSTANTLY COLD.

Best Wishes From the Swine Flu House

According to my highly technical calculations, more people will get H1N1 this year than will celebrate Christmas. And since December 25 has several catch phrases (like "Happy Holidays," "Merry Christmas," or the slightly less popular extended version--"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas") I thought quarantined swine flu houses deserved some significant greeting so they could spread around the feverish cheer. My pediatrician sounded catchy when she said, after taking Talmage's temperature and checking his throat and breathing, "Welcome to November 2009." But that might seem a little dated for swine flu folk come December, so that's out. "Season's Greetings" would work well if it weren't already taken, the season being swine flu season. I like "Warm Wishes," as a little warmth might remind us of a warmer, happier time when swine flu was only a panic and not a reality, but warm just reminds me of the word moist, and I'd argue that moist is the most offensive of all the non-offensive words. Think of it. MOIST.

Yuck.

So I'm back to "Best," my personal favorite greeting and how I sign off of professional and semi-professional emails. This salutation drives Tyler crazy because it's an adjective. "Best what?" he asks. "Just best. Best everything. I wish you all the best of everything there is."

Best wishes from the Swine Flu House.

Talmage came down H1N1 on Thursday, after we babysat roughly 23 of the neighborhood children on Wednesday. Asher came down with it on Friday at precisely 9:04 am, just in time for our doctor's appointment at 10:30 am, so Asher was diagnosed and had Tamiflu by 2:00. And I tell you what, Tamiflu is the nectar of the Gods. Kurt Cobain is to heroin, as Lu is to her ball, as Edward is to Bella, as Sean is to Grandma's Cookies. I love the Tamiflu. Asher's almost 100%.

Talmage is more like 24%. Tamiflu is only recommended for kids 2 years old and under so Tal's just riding it out. We had an emotional day. A day in which I colored on the wrong part of his drawing, and in which I broke his finger by bumping him when I sat down on the couch, and in which he was too tired to roll over and get Asher's truck. And a day in which Lu barked too loudly, and in which Talmage was very, very cold, and in which we couldn't find the Monster's video games.

Let's review. Tamiflu is good. And best wishes from the Swine Flu House.

Bounce

The Best Halloween Ever

Cat's Away Party

Every Tuesday night Laura teaches her class, and it's just the boys at home.

Lehi's Dream

Busted Out the Christmas Music Today

It's not early. IT'S FESTIVE.